The internet is really, really great...

Hey ladies!

*sniffs and swallows snot*

I have a story for you today and it concerns my internet so YAY!

So I work up in the morning feeling not like P Diddy. In fact, I felt rather horrible and still feel rather horrible because the tiny chickens have invaded my skull and have been raging around in there since Saturday AM. I might add that I worked a nine hour shift on Saturday and an openning nine hour shift on Sunday.

So yeah, I'm tired and I feel like crap. The stage is set.

I'm a huge believer in going to class. Unless I'm so sick I literally cannot get out of bed, or move farther than a few steps without my head exploding or vomiting everywhere, then I'm at school for class. So this morning I dragged my carcass out of bed and went to my 8:30 class. I even packed my textbook for my online course thinking that, after class, I would head to the library and read read read. This did not happen.

I made it through my first hour of class with little trouble but during the second I was sinking fast. I was two steps away from sleeping on my desk (those two steps being 1) placing my head on my desk and 2) disappearing into a world where I give Olivia Wilde "private tutoring sessions" in biology) and good lord was it tempting to take those last two steps! I managed to resist long enough for the class to be through with but all my delusions of getting studying done in the library were smashed. I drove myself home, put on some yoga pants (yes, yes, I did), flopped onto my bed and pulled up my internet for some brief pre-nap reading.

This is where the internet comes in.

So I had visited all of two pages when this lovely notification came up telling me that I had used up 75% of my monthly allowance of internet. 

What!?! What!?!

I had never seen one of these things before and was rather terrified of the thought that my roommates had only been here for two weeks and I was getting this message. Not good! I had a little panic imagining my money flying out of my bank account before I realized that all I really had to do was figure out how to up my monthly allowance and all would be okay.

Cue call number one to Rogers.

To get a hold of anyone in the Rogers network you have to enter at least ten numbers into their automated system. To be fair, they have a lot of people and departments so it makes sense that you have to pick the one suited to your issues but this adds at least five minutes onto any call. (Also, I'm saying the name of the company because in all of my calls today they've been really helpful with everything and the people I talked to were genuinely nice. That can be a bit rare in some phone calls so I just thought I'd put that out there.)

So I'm talking to my first person and she, like everyone else I talked to today, had me repeat my telephone number, address, full name, area code, etc. If I hadn't had any of this memorized before today I certainly would now! A quick calculation told me what internet package I would need to avoid the scary 75% used message again and she quickly typed that in and switched up things on my account.

When we've done this she tells me that I will need a new modem because the one I had wasn't fast enough to handle the bigger package. Okay then.

Remember the bit about how I had left school to go to sleep? Yeah, not happening.

So where do you get a modem? Apparently all I needed to do was go into the store and pick it up. She gave me the address and phone number of the store closest to me (I should add here that there is a Rogers store on the next block from my house but it's not a "Rogers Plus" store which is the one which does everything so no such luck there).

I call that store and the guy tell me "Sorry, we're actually backordered on those." Cue me freaking out because my updated plan with more usage won't start until I get the new modem and if I can't get the new modem then my roomies are going to empty my bank account by watching YouTube videos. The guy at the store told me that I should try the store at the mall and I'm all "Sure, can you give me their number?" and he's all "Well, we don't have it right here but I can look it up on the internet" and I say sure and he gives me a number.

Something strikes me as odd about this because the area code is one I don't recognize but, since he sounded pretty confident when he gave me the number, I give it a try. 

Store #2, Call #3

Guy: "Hey, my name is _____ and thank you for calling. How can I help you?"

Me: "Well, I just upped my internet plan and I need a new modem. Have you go the _____?"

Guy: "Actually, we're backordered on that one because everyone is getting them right now-"

Me: *freaks out inside head*

Guy: "-but we get more in every week."

Me: "Oh good so when's your next shipment?"

Guy: "Actually, we got one in today but we didn't get any modems."

Me: *goes batty in a way that makes Batman look like a kid on Halloween (in my head, of course)*

Me: "Oh really, that majorly sucks."

Guy: "Well, I can always send you to the next nearest place and see if they have some."

Me: "Sure thing."

Guy: "Do you know the place on ____ Street and ____ Street?

Me: "No, but I, like, majorly suck at geography so I may need a little help."

Guy: "Oh sure, just tell me where you are?"

Me: "I'm at ____ and ____"

Guy: "Where and where? I've never heard of those."

Me: "At ___ and ___ in [city]? Really?"

Guy: "You're from [city]? Why are you calling me? I'm in [other way far away city]!"

Me: "Well, shit, why am I talking to you?"

Guy: "I don't know but you definitely don't need to be. This is kind of ridiculous."

Me: "Kay, sweet... Have a nice day!"

Guy: "Bye!"

Me: *hangs up*

(The exact contents of the above dialogue may have been altered but the jist is the same!)

After that lovely excursion I looked up the next closest store to me on the internet myself and found the actual number, complete with recognizable area code, and called them. They had the modem is stock! Joy! They put one on hold for me! More joy! I got in my car and drove there.

Remember the bit about me coming home to sleep? Yeah, not happening.

At the store, both the people are busy so I stand around for a while sniffling to myself and not being impressed by all the shiny new phones. The woman ahead of me is doing the same thing I am there to do and having major problems. Uh oh! I get to go to the other person and they go "Yup" and "Yup" and "Uh huh, we've got that right here" and "Just let me call to confirm" and I wait while she waits and everyone in the store is waiting. An eternity consisting of 10 minutes passes before "Yup, we're done here. You can take this shiny new box home and plug it in."

So I got in my car and went home with my shiny new box and plugged it in and followed all the instructions to set up the name and password of my interwebs and it (the program on the CD that came with the shiny box) says "Great! Everything is good! Go forth onto the webs at you leisure!"

I went forth to Firefox and got this message:

[Rogers Logo]

"We're having some technical difficulties connecting this modem to your account. Please call ______"

Cue Call  #4 to the same number where you have to press 10 more numbers to talk to someone. I eventually get a tech guy because I thought it was a tech problem. It turns out that, after extracting my name, address, postal code, and phone number that the people at the store didn't "close the work order" like they were supposed to so their system doesn't recognize that I should have the new modem. Tech guy is a tech guy and doesn't get involved with work orders and so transfer me to customer service lady. Customer service lady says "Oh, I see. I'm going to call someone and see if they can fix that for you". Well great, that's what I want.

I wait for customer service lady to do her thing while crouched against the wall of my bedroom (because my Blackberry's already low battery has had enough of these long calls and has demanded to be plugged in and the chord for my charger is not long enough for me to sit on the bed) and watch the pretty lights on the shiny new box. The pretty lights on the shiny new box are pretty.

Eventually I see things start to happen on my computer and my newly set up network disappears and comes back and then customer service lady comes back and  says "It's all good. We close the order. You are a-okay!" and I thank her and hang up.

I go onto my Firefox and click the thing to go to a webpage and for an instant I see the Rogers thinking symbol and I'm all "Please don't do this to me again. Please don't have a problem again. Please..." but then it goes straight onto Tumblr and I'm doing a giant squid of happiness instead of the giant squid of anger and all is well.

There were actually a few jokes and feel good moments in those phone calls, including one where I changed the name on my account from Oina to Dina that happened between calls 3 and 4. (Honestly, how do these people mess that up? The guy I talked to thought it was pretty funny, too.)

Remember that bit about how I came home from school early so that I could sleep?

I'm going to sleep.

Zzzzzz,

Dina