So now that I’ve had the chance to calm down and sort out my
emotions a bit, I’ve decided that I’m ready to sit down and pour everything out
onto paper. Er, keyboard rather.
I’m going to start from the very beginning here to refresh
yall’s memories. As you’re all aware, Sparklez (I fixed the auto-correct on
Word) and I are kind of dating now. We visited last weekend and it was
glorious, so we decided we’re making things “official”. And I’m really happy :)
That being said, I decided that I needed to inform Koopa of
this, as it was only fair to him that he knows. I wanted to make sure that we
were on the same page so that I could allow myself to move on and really commit
myself to Sparklez. So I started a conversation the usual way:
Me: Rawr
Me: Rawr
Him: RAWWRR!
Me: Mufasa?
Him: is a lion.
Me: Simba was moving too slow, so I told him to ‘Mufasa’.
Ba-dum-chhh! (thank you Dina)
Him: HAHA!
Me: So Sparklez and I kind of have a thing…
(I realize now I possibly should have approached this a
little more cautiously. But how was I supposed to know that things were going
to end up the way they did??)
Him: like dating thing?
Me: Yeah…
Him:
Nothing. Till the next day when I asked him if everything
was ok.
Him: I’m fine. Congratz.
Me: *inward panic attack, omg I’ve fucked up so bad* Are you
sure?
Him:
Nothing again! Till much later that night…
Him: I just need a bit of time to absorb everything.
Me: *increasingly agitated panic attack that I’m hurting and
losing one of my best friends* ok…
Several hours later…
Him: Hey Rocko, I’m happy for you. Just make sure everything is always good. I doubt I’m coming back to camp and such, but maybe if the distance was shorter, life would be different. You can’t win em all, right? Seriously, congratz.
Me: *proceeds to bawl my eyes out* I’m sorry that I’ve hurt
you, blah blah blah… (basically me pouring my heart out to him)
Him: Love you girl.
And that was it.
Soooo yeah… I’m pretty bummed out. Like I said, he was one
of the best friends I’ve made. I could literally talk to him about anything,
judgment free. Could I see our relationship going somewhere beyond friendship?
Under different circumstances, totally. But it is what it is. I realize now
that he definitely thought of me as more than just a friend, but he had his chance
to tell me and he didn’t. And after his reaction, I think I made the right
choice with Sparklez. Sparklez is sweet and considerate and protective and open
with me. He’s exactly what I’m looking for in a relationship. Koopa on the
other hand is just making me feel guilty right now.
I hate that I’ve hurt him. I don’t like feeling like my
actions have caused someone else so much pain. I hate that I’m not going to be
able to be friends with Koopa like we were before. And I especially hate that
it’s my fault that that happened. But it did. And there’s no changing it now.
So all that is left to do is just carry on and see if he’ll eventually come
around.
In the mean time, dearest cousin Frankiln has suggested that
Sparklez come to Petey for New
Years with our fam. Meaning that you ladies would be able to meet him.
Thoughts? :)
Love you all,
I'm all for visiting as long as you know he's going to be poked and prodded in all kinds of places as we try to get to know him. (As you met him at camp, this probably won't be a problem.)
ReplyDeleteI hope you're happy, Michele, really. I hope you're not too bummed out still. I know what that's like and it sucks and it's the last thing you need during finals. Chin up girly! I'll see you in a few weeks and we'll chat about everything under the sun!
well, i texted you last night about most of this. we all want you to be happy, and if Mr. Shiny pants ( that is what I'm calling him by the way) makes you happy then that's awesome :) It sucks majorly that it's making you lose a friend. that's gonna hurt, but try not to get TOOO hung up on it at this point. As you said, he had opportunities to talk, so all you can do now is maybe give it some time.
ReplyDeletein other news, It was wonderful to see you last week, and I'll see you again in a week and I can't wait! I'm so excited!
additionally how did you get computer and phone icon thingies?
also - does this mean I'm not the only one in a relationship anymore? :P
@Dawn - Computer and phone icon thingies...? :P haha I'm not sure what you mean. And yes, it was lovely seeing you last week, I am so pumped for future hang outs! Yes, you are no longer the only one in a realstionship :p lol
ReplyDelete@Dina - he is fully prepared for the inevitable interrogation. He already loves all three of you, from what I have told him about our antics :p I am feeling better after talking to people and getting myself sorted out. Just going to give it time :)
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ReplyDeleteThe above comment made by Michele that I fixed:
ReplyDeleteUPDATE:
"No pain, no gain. I'm glad you're happy and I'm not even the guy that could give you that, especially with this distance, Everything I have said is true as well. I do love you Rocket. You seriously helped me through a massive chapter in my life and ne that wasn't easy. So for that thank you. You deserve the world, so why not let it sparkle ;) Much love Michele."
..... why do I feel like we're breaking up, when we were never even dating. Why do I feel so conflicted about all this. I don't know what to say to him. He's forgiving me, but for what? Moving on when he didn't tell me in the first place that he felt this way about me? I am just so god damn confused about all of this and I don't know what to think. Do I just ignore him? Or do I respond to him? What do I say to that?
I want you to be happy too Michele, and if Sir Glams-a-Lot makes that happen then that makes him even more fabulous.
ReplyDeleteI don't want any of this to be taken the wrong way, but I can really see Koopa's point of view here...
You and he were a thing all summer, maybe not official like but a thing of some kind. You mutually cheated on your then girl/boyfriend together and eventually both ended that prior relationship as a result. He texted you things like "marry me hot stuff" and whatnot when drunk long after camp, even after being hurt he is still saying he loves you. He had a lot of emotional investment in this, based on what I have had a glimpse of, and I don’t know how you can’t see that.
And by the understanding that you have laid out, you felt you two could have been together, but weren't because it would be a long distance relationship. That understanding made it not possible for him to tell you he wanted to be with you because it would be a LDR. Well, that is what you just got into, a shorter distance, but a distance all the same. With a guy he knows, and dislikes somewhat if memory serves. He was jealous of him as soon as you started talking more, offering to drop everything and Skype you if I do recall.
I can’t tell you how to deal with this, but for you to really understand how you feel about it and decide how to deal with it I think you need to stop and think about he feels in all this. If you want to try and maintain some semblance of your friendship, you are going to have to talk to him again. Maybe not for a while if he needs time to hurt and digest events, but unless you are willing to forgo any future relationship (by that I mean friends, text buddies, whatever) you need to somehow work through this. Generally the best way to try and do that is to understand why the other person thinks/feels the way they do.
I love you lots Michele, and I want you to be able to resolve this in a way that makes you happy. Try and shelf it until finals are done, hard as that may be, then come at it again with a far less stressed head and heart!
<3
Valerie