It's been too long

Hey there ladies,

It's been entirely too long since I've posted here and I really have no valid excuse. This is a place to share with each other and it used to be a highlight of my day to look at the blog and see a new post. I feel like I want that to happen again but it's not going to if I don't put in the effort. So, here goes it with the effort...

This week my usual Tuesday movie has been moved until Wednesday (today) which means I'll be missing even more sharing with you ladies. Strangely, I don't feel to horribly guilt about it and I think there are a few reasons why that is which is what I want to talk about here.

The first reason is that today's movie is Imagine Me & You, an incredibly adorable lesbian romantic comedy which is probably one of my favourite movies that we would watch on Tuesday (Wednesday? It's so wrong...) movie night so I really want to go and see it.

Second, I ran into a friend last week who I hadn't seen since last semester and he said he was going to come to this week's movie so it would be really sad if he showed up and I wasn't there.

Third, as much as our talks have always been fun, we all seem to be doing different things when they happen and only talking to each other while we are doing them instead of focusing on each other. Is it only me that feels this way? Last year it was very much a case of drop everything and hang out with the girls, doing homework at the same time only if you have to, and now it feels like we're all over the Internet and we just happen to mention things we find to each other while we do it. I'm certainly not saying that I have no part in this, in fact I know for sure that is not the case, but I do want to know if you ladies understand an know what I'm talking about. One of those things I haven't been sharing is:

Fourth, the girl I've had an enormous crush on since first year (and who is, in fact, the reason I finally thought "Well damn, I'm not straight" usually has a class on Tuesdays and so does not come to regular movie nights but tonight is a Wednesday which means she might be there. Imagine Me & You also happens to be her favourite movie so it's even more likely she'll be there.

So those are my reasons. Granted, they seem, and probably are, extremely selfish but if I'm going to say it I'd much rather be honest so that I know what I'm working with.

So why haven't I talked about these things before (and by "these things" I mean the last two because the first two are rather trivial)? Mostly it's because I've been irrationally terrified. (Yesterday my iPod shuffled to I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance which seems quite fitting to my emotional state recently [and you know you're in trouble when a My Chemical Romance can be a description of anything in your life.]) I've been scares that it's all in my head and that I'd I bring it up it will make things worse because it'll seem like I don't love you ladies to pieces even though I do. There's also been Dawn and Michele's conversations about folding pants that myself and Valerie are excluded from until we join your ranks as virg-outs (vlogbrothers ftw) and everytime you alude to them I wonder what happens to us if I never fold pants in the same way you do and how we would relate to each other then.

I know these things probably don't seem like a big deal but when you add thoughts like this to crazy midterm schedules and reading stupid amounts of textbooks in short times and working until you fall over from exhaustion... Well, it's not okay. I told Valerie earlier this week that I can tell I dont smile or laugh a much as I used to an it really is just all these things getting to me at once. I've finally written most of it out here so that it doesn't just circle around in my head like a malevolent pack of vultures.

Well ladies, there we are. I hope this sheds some light on why I'm stessed out and fall of the edge of the Internet sometimes (Dawn may use this as further proof that I am, in fact, alive even when I forget to text her back).

Love you ladies muchly and I shall try to pop into chat before 10 tonight,

Dina