Stereotypes, seriousness and the Day

Hello ladies, how are you doing today?

When I was in line at Tim Horton’s on campus this morning the two people in line in front of me, either boyfriend and girlfriend or close friends, were both wearing head to toe black. The guy was wearing a huge trench coat, music, somewhere along the lines of System of a Down, playing from some hidden headphones and died black hair. The girl had her bleach blonde with black highlights in two pigtails and a tiny backpack with a picture of skull and crossbones safety pinned to it. They were a pair.

As I was standing behind them, judging in my own quiet way, their similarity and suitability as a pair I suddenly thought “Hang on now! We’re getting ahead of ourselves here!” (I use plural because there is more than one voice in my head).

General thoughts on people who look goth, for me, go back to this girl named Quartz who was in my class back in middle school. She had a reputation for being a slut, cutting herself and doing drugs—a real sophisticated lady, you might say. The general consensus among my classmates that she was going to drop out of high school as soon as physically possible because she was either a) pregnant or b) dead by overdose. Do I know what really happened to her? Did I know anything else about her life other than what I heard through rumours? The answer to both is no.

I got to thinking a bit more about this couple in front of me. While my first reaction had been to scoff and think “They’re not going anywhere in life” the truth is that, just like me, they were at my university. They went to my university.

These two people had already come just as far as I had when I have doubted at times that I would get to this point. They certainly didn’t deserve my criticism with what I knew of them. It also occurred to me that, while they looked quite striking together, it could have been just as likely to see them with other friends they might have that didn’t look like they’d been spray painted from head to toe.

Later today, just before my psychology lecture was about to begin, a guy with big blonde dreadlocks, big jacket, tighter black jeans and big black boots came and sat one seat away from me exclaiming to me “Woah! Is it cold out of what?” to which I replied “It’s not so bad; it’s only going to get colder.” He came right back with “No! Don’t even say that! If I don’t think it’s gonna get colder then it won’t!” I laughed quietly.

My automatic thoughts on seeing dreadlocks: he must not bathe very often, he votes for the NDP, he’s a hardcore vegetarian, he wouldn’t approve of my gas guzzling car, he needs a better grip on reality if he thinks he can change the weather with his thoughts.

There are times when I mentally smack myself in the face. This was one of those times.

Hadn’t I just “had this discussion” aka “had an internal monologue about this”? He was obviously joking about the weather thought control, his big jacket was in fact a school leather jacket and so he’s probably not a hardcore vegetarian if he is one at all, and I have no idea about the rest of it!

I actually ended up talking to dreadlocks after class and we walked all the way to the parking lot still talking. He’s a CS major and was amusingly frustrated when I asked him to give examples of careers in his field that were not spent in front of a computer (he had been rather insistent before that about my confusing what he did with programming which is apparently where my stereotype should lie). About halfway through our walk he introduced himself as Mr. Sparks.

Mr. Sparks made me laugh and was a genuinely nice guy.

Trying to get over stereotypes is something I’m constantly working on. While I’d like to think that I’m doing a fair job most of the time, I know that invariable effort is still required and it is always a work in progress.

Today, aside from being December 1st, the day you begin eating your advent calendar, the day when Christmas is just that much closer and another day of me being really serious, is also World AIDS Day. And just like I was mistaken today, many people believe that gay men are the ones that really have to worry about this disease but that’s not at all the truth. Actually, over half of the people currently infected with HIV/AIDS are women (click me for reference).

I know I don’t have to tell you ladies this but it’s always so much better to be safe; to get educated, to use protection and to get tested.

My seriousness isn’t the most enjoyable but I felt like I had to say it all.

I hope you all enjoyed you first chocolate today! I know I did.

Much love,

Dina